Just A Thought...

2008-12-15T22:49:00.000-08:00

Well, I tried to think of a thought and nothing came out....

Option Box

2008-09-23T17:31:00.000-07:00

Last night, Tracie "T-Bone" Miller and I had the best idea of our lives. It's called Option Box and it's amazing!

A Modest Proposal

2008-09-23T17:01:00.000-07:00

I'm sure you have heard of the essay called "A Modest Proposal." If you haven't, I'll explain. It was written many years ago and proposed that in order to solve several problems, including the growing population and the starving citizens, everyone could simply start eating their children. It's a wonderful essay that I highly recommend reading but not necessarily particiating in the theory proposed.
My own modest proposal is that we Americans, who have decreased reproduction and keep all the food that would have gone to our children for ourselves, make some small alterations in our appearances so that we appear more attractive to the opposite sex. Perhaps then our vanity will cause us to forget birth control in the desire to see smaller versions of ourselves created, within the bounds of marriage.
Many have been quite disturbed by the spandex-like fit of mens fashionable jeans. I think this may be due to a bit of confusion. I have heard from time to time the voiced admirations by women of mens form-fitting t-shirts. This is a result of so called "rippling biceps" that cause womens hearts to beat rapidly. At one point there was some miscommunication which led men to believe that tight pants were the cause of heart palpitations and they commenced wearing womens jeans because there weren't any comfortably fitting tight mens jeans. There was then a need for mens fashion designers to accommodate the new atrocity in order to meet demands and continue the perpetual flow of cash. These jeans actually create the "barbie" effect. By emphasizing their commonly called "chicken legs," the male torso seems out of place and often gives the effect that as one stands up he should likely fall over. Wearing more loose fitting jeans gives the illusion of proportion,encourages blood flow to the lower body and allows more room for males to adjust themselves which they so often do in public.
In sunny regions, it is common to see a lot of blond hair in males. This is especially true in those that participate in the activity of surfing or those that are considered metrosexual, although many of the metrosexuals get their blond hair by similarly dressed gay hairdressers. In biology we are all introduced to the idea of genetics, therefore, this should be somewhat familiar to you. Most commonly, there are dominant and recessive genes of those that are passed on from parent to child. The genes that determine hair color are more complex but is true that the gene for blond hair is considered recessive. As more and more people intermix there are less and less blond people, in a "survival of the fittest" sort of way. Here it is important to note that recessive is another way of saying weak, and for you mysogonists out there, it can also mean feminine. Somewhere in our primal eyesight we then determine that the entire blond male population is weak andtherefore cannot survive long by themselves, let alone support a family. For those of you men that have dark hair: be greatful. For the rest of you, we may just have to send you elsewhere or devise a way that all blond males will be the only gay males as they will not need to display their masculinity for females or reproduce. In any case, Hitler only wanted blond males so it only makes sense to be rid of them.
Perhaps the women of today are still reacting to the men of the 70s. It had become the habit, due to drug use and political movements, for both the male and female flower children to grow their hair in long flowing tendrals. While this promoted free love and resulted in illigitimate children, a good thing, many of the children grew up to become potheads. The former flower children also remaining potheads, never became CEOs, policemen, or even day care directors. This caused the women of this day and age to revolt in Feminazi angst and chop much of their free-flowing locks off to prove that they can become CEOs, policepersons, and even day care directors. Herein lies our problem. Men having long hair, due to the mind-dulling effects of said "Mary Jane," and women having little or no hair to show that they can play with the big boys, create more confusion about who one must attempt to procreate with, especially because not everyone is the product of thehippies. Furthermore, the traditional roles of gender become more and more confused which frustrates the possibility of reproduction. Men, therefore, should have hair cut above their ears and not touching the napes of their necks and womens hair should be long enough to, at least, touch their shoulders.
In traditional art and poetry, women had faces and features of a delicate nature which were deemed alluring to men. While this resulted in offspring, the lack of modern medicine killed these offspring. Fortunately, today we have an abundance of makeup, plastic surgery and medicines that can fix these problems. Because of our knowledge, it is our responsibility to mandate by law that women wear makeup. Classes will begin at age 9 and continue until makeup skills are perfected. Additionally, phrase like "natural beauty," "beauty is only skin deep," and "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" will be replaced with "nature only gets you so far," "no one's going to see your sparkling personality through that face," and "I can't find someone to marry unless I look good." For those who need a bit more than makeup, plastic surgery will be covered by insurance so that women can shave off bone or cartilage where necessary and men may implant more prominent noses,chins, and jawlines, thereby giving the natural look of femininity and masculinity where due.
These are just a few of the easy alteraterations that can solve our modern problems. I believe that as we follow these guidelines, men and women will start reproducing again and that through imposed shame they will eat less and provide their children with nourishment. This will create a world full of svelte, beautiful people. In the event that my simple suggestions work too well, we may need to revert back to the original "Modest Proposal."

Thanks for reading,
Monica

Misadventures and Commentary

Just A Thought...

Option Box

A Modest Proposal